The Four Loves : Eros

Eros is, as Lewis defines it, as being in love.  In Eros, a person first has "simply a delighted pre-occupation with her in her totality.  A man in this state really hasn't leisure to think of sex.  He is too busy thinking of a person.  The fact that she is a woman is far less important than the fact that she is herself."  I found it very interesting that Lewis put being in love in that way.  It puts a clear guideline to see if you truly care for the person or if you just want he or she can give to you.

"For one of the things Eros does is to obliterate the distinction between giving receiving....In one high bound it has overleaped the massive wall of our selfhood; it has made appetite itself altruistic, tossed personal happiness aside as a triviality and planted the interests of another in the centre of our being.  Spontaneously and without effort we have fulfilled the law (towards one person) by loving our neighbour as ourselves.  It is an image, a foretaste, of what we must become to all if Love Himself rules in us without a rival."  I thought it was pretty awesome how God created this love which reflects His love for us, a selfless love.   I'm reminded again of how things on this Earth are just a picture, just a glimpse of God's kingdom.  How great God's love if this care, the concern, this Eros, is already so big?

Even though Eros can bring out good qualities,  Lewis warns us that "Eros, honoured with reservation and obeyed unconditionally, becomes a demon."  We cannot just obey it like a god.  We cannot hurt others or sin in order to glorify it or the person we are in love with.  Lewis also refers to this in "We Have No Right to Happiness." Eros, like any other passion, has to be put in check.

St. Francis called his body "Brother Ass."  "Ass is exquisitely right because no one in his senses can either revere or hate a donkey.  It is a useful, sturdy, lazy obstinate, patient, lovable, and infuriating beast; ...both pathetically and absurdly beautiful.  So the body....It would be too clumsy an instrument to render love's music unless its very clumsiness could be felt as adding to the total experience of its own grotesque charm...."  I don't have any experience in this area, so I kind of compared it to words.  Sometimes you just don't have the words to share with a person your feelings, your affection, your love, or even your hatred, and so that is where physical touch or even your just your presence comes in.  A hug, punch in the face, a kiss, just sitting by a person while she cries can express a lot more than fumbling around with words.  And so it is with love and expressing it with the body.  Or one can think of music.  Sometimes music better than anything a poet can say, the nuances, the longing, the gloominess, the excitement and joy.

"The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church.  He is to love her as Christ loved the Church...and give his life for her."   This quote helps bring to light the meaning of submission and being the head of the household.  Not that a woman should surrender herself totally to the man, because "a woman who accepted as literally her own this extreme self-surrender would be an idolatress ofering to a man what belongs only to God."  I think it means submitting to a man's spiritual leadership.  And that submission would be gladly given if the man puts her first, if he is thinking what is best for her, and what will help her mature.  This is not to say a woman is inferior to a man, but I think God has given the leadership role in a family to men, which is also an immense responsibility.  I think it can be applied in practical matters as well, though not necessarily in every area, because sometimes you need a final say and you need someone to turn to.   In class, we also discussed the fact that a growing phenomenon that women are more spiritually mature than the men.  In this case, the woman should, by no means, stop growing in the Lord.  As it says in 1 Corinthians 7, an "unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife."  If Paul says this about an unbelieving spouse,  I think he would say the same about a spiritually behind husband.

In the recording of Lewis summarizing The Four Loves, he compares love to a garden.  We cannot just leave the garden alone; it will not water, weed, or fertilize itself.  Without care, the garden will soon be overgrown and cease to be a garden.  We need to cultivate it in order to maintain its beauty.  We must treat Eros and any other kind of love the same way; we need to care for it because it will not be able to survive by itself.

"For the Church has no beauty but what the Bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely."  We can make other people "lovely" by encouraging and building them up.  We can see the beautiful things, characteristics in them and cultivate them by loving them for who they are, admonishing them when they need it, and keeping them accountable.  By having a common goal with others and "since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1).